Faye Kellerman_Decker & Lazarus 10 Page 8

  Perversely, Decker felt relieved. One less human element to deal with. Then he felt guilty. They were his sons, for godsakes. But then again, they were doing what they wanted to do. Why should he feel negligent if they were out having a good time? He realized that within the span of a few moments, his emotions had gone the gamut. Which meant he was unstable. Not the best time to deal with his daughter, who obviously had a thing or two on her mind.

  After he had washed, Cindy led him to the table. “Sit. Rina made a delicious stew. One of those dishes that gets better the longer you cook it.”

  “With my hours, she cooks a lot of those,” Decker said wryly. “Are you going to join me? Tell me what’s going on?”

  “It can wait until after dinner.”

  “That bad?”

  “It isn’t bad at all.”

  Rina came back in, set up dinner for her husband. “I told them to be home by eleven. Do you think I gave them too much freedom?”

  “No, not at all.”

  “It’s just that Sammy’s so excited.”

  “It’s a big event in a boy’s life.”

  “A girl’s too,” Cindy said. “I remember when I got my license. The feeling of freedom…it was…exhilarating.”

  “Never knew you felt that oppressed.” Decker smiled.

  “It wasn’t that—”

  “Cindy, he’s teasing you,” Rina broke in. “It doesn’t deserve an answer.” She gently slugged her husband’s good shoulder. “I know you’re tired and cranky, but be nice.”

  “I am cranky.” Decker ate a few heaping tablespoons. “This is wonderful. Did you eat, Cin?”

  Cindy nodded, smiled. But she seemed anxious. Decker felt a protest in his stomach. He wasn’t sure if it was his daughter’s nervousness or hunger pangs. After two bowls of stew, two helpings of salad, and a couple of cups of decaf, he felt ready to take on his daughter.

  Take on.

  As if there were an impending battle.

  Rina excused herself, went into the kitchen to clean up. Cindy suggested they talk in the living room. Decker took a seat on the suede couch, patted the space next to him. Cindy sat, but her spine was ramrod straight. She was all tics and fidgets. Finally, she said, “I quit the program.”

  Decker absorbed her words. “You quit the program. Meaning you’re no longer in school.”

  “Yes. I have my master’s, I’m tired of all the bullsh…of all the academic hurdles. I don’t need a Ph.D. It does me no good other than to teach the same material to other Ph.D. candidates.”

  Decker rolled his tongue inside his cheek. “After six years of tuition and room and board, when you’re finally self-supporting with scholarships and fellowships, you now decide to quit?”

  Cindy glared at him. “You are kidding, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I’m kidding.” Sort of. Decker leaned back. “So…”

  “So…”

  Decker said, “I guess I should be a parent. Maybe ask about your plans. Like…do you have any?”

  “I think I need to get a job.”

  “Good start.” Decker bit his mustache. “Want me to ask around the department…see if I can get you on as a part-time consultant?”

  “Won’t be necessary.”

  “You’ve found a job.”

  “Yes, I have.” She closed her eyes, then opened them. “Daddy, I joined the Police Academy. Actually, I signed up a while ago. But you know how it works. There’s the exam, then the personal checks, then I had to wait until they started hiring again. Anyway, it’s a done deal. I’m starting in three months, right after the first.”

  Decker stared at his daughter. “This is a joke, right?”

  “No joke.” She opened her purse, pulled out a few sheets of paper. “Here’s a copy of their letter of acceptance. Here’s my letter of commitment—”

  “So you haven’t mailed anything in.”

  “Yes, I have. See, these are just copies. The originals are at home or with the Academy.” She held the paper up for her father to see. “See, right here—”

  Angrily, Decker batted them away. He stood up and began to pace. “Cynthia, what on earth could have possibly possessed you—”

  “Dad, before our emotions get the better of us, can we be reasonable?”

  “No, we can’t be reasonable! Because you did something unreasonable. How could you act so…so damn impulsively?”

  “It wasn’t an impulsive decision. I told you I signed up a while ago.”

  “So you’ve thought about this? For a long time?”

  “Yes.”

  “And it never even dawned on you to talk this over with me?”

  “Of course it dawned on me, Daddy. I thought about telling you for quite some time. But I knew you couldn’t possibly be objective—”

  “Cindy, that’s a truckload of bull.”

  “Can we keep this civil?”

  “Are you trying to get even with me for not being around when you were growing up?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re obviously trying to rile me—”

  “Dad, believe it or not, I really want to be a cop, actually a detective.” She smiled sweetly. “Just like you.”

  “Oh, cut the crap!”

  “Peter!” Rina said.

  Decker whirled around, focused on his wife. “Rina, this isn’t your affair. Would you kindly leave, please?”

  “Last I checked this was my house, too.”

  “I’m not telling you to leave the house, just the room.”

  “She can stay,” Cindy said. “I don’t mind.”

  “You stay out of this!” Decker directed a pointed index finger at his daughter. “This is between me and my wife.”

  “No, Daddy, it’s between you and me and you’re taking it out on her.”

  “You’ve got a lot of nerve, talking to me like that—”

  “I’ll leave,” Rina said.

  “Good idea,” Decker said.

  Rina went into the bedroom without slamming the door. Which surprised Cindy. If that had been her, she would have made her displeasure known very loudly. Dad was talking, more like ranting…as usual.

  “…even bother to come and talk to me about it?”

  “I knew what you’d say,” Cindy retorted.

  “So you’re a mind reader.”

  “No, just a dad reader. And I’m right. You’re not objective.”

  “It’s not a matter of objectivity,” Decker shot back. “Not only would I discourage you from joining, I’d discourage anyone from joining.”

  “Good thing you don’t write ad copy for LAPD.”

  Decker honed in on her. “Cindy, there are some cop types. And even most of them don’t make good officers. But if you’re of a certain ilk and if you have a little bit of brainpower and if you have untold patience and if you can keep your mouth shut and if you have a good intuition and if you think before you react, then maybe you’ll make a good cop. And yes, political correctness notwithstanding, it helps to be big and strong. Which you are not!”

  “I’m not a ninety-pound weakling—”

  “Any man your size with normal musculature could take you down in a minute.”

  “So that’s where my superior brain will come in.”

  “You do have a superior brain. You just aren’t choosing to use it. Cynthia, you don’t have patience, you don’t like orders, you’re not detail-oriented, you’re way too emotional, and you’re impulsive…like just…dropping out of school—”

  “I thought about it for a long time—”

  “Then you didn’t think it through. And I don’t care how much you work out, you’re no match for most men. Someone my size could squeeze you like a tomato.”

  “We’re going around in circles, Daddy.”

  “You’ve neither the temperament nor the inclination. You’d make a lousy cop and a lousy cop is a dead cop—”

  “Gee, Dad, thanks for the encouragement—”

  “Better for you
to be furious than for me to accept a flag at your funeral.” He turned to her, his eyes burning with anger. “Do yourself a favor. Find a better way to get even with me.”

  “So you think I’m doing this from some sort of Freudian revenge motive?”

  “Frankly, I don’t know why you’re doing this. This isn’t the first time in your life that you’ve done something outrageous. But it is the most dangerous stunt you’ve ever pulled.”

  Cindy’s eyes filled with water. “You’re not being reasonable or fair.”

  “And you, Cynthia Rachel, are crying. You think I’m talking tough, just wait. You think your drill sergeant’s going to be impressed with your tears? Or worse, how ’bout your perp. ‘Better stop shitting around or I’ll charge you with ten to fifteen for felonious tear-jerking.’”

  Angrily, Cindy dried her eyes. “Touché.”

  Decker suddenly stopped pacing. He closed his eyes, tried to vent some of the rage. This was his daughter he was talking to. Gently, he put his hands on Cindy’s shoulders. Angrily, she wiggled out of his touch. What did he expect?

  “Cindy, I’m not trying to win points. But I am being brutally honest. This is one area I know.”

  Her voice was a whisper. “And I respect that. But with all due respect to your knowledge, I’m twenty-four. I’ll make my own decisions. And suffer the consequences if they’re bad ones. Dad, I think we’ve both said enough—”

  “No, we haven’t said nearly enough—”

  “Telephone, Peter,” Rina said.

  Decker whipped his head around, asked her a testy “Who is it!”

  “Marge.”

  Decker barked. “Is it an emergency?”

  “I don’t know,” Rina answered quietly. “Would you like me to ask her?”

  Decker made fists with his hands, released his fingers. “You stay here, young lady. I’m not through yet.”

  Decker charged into the bedroom and slammed the door, which made Cindy startle.

  As soon as he was gone, she leaped from her chair and started to pace.

  “What a supreme jerk! No wonder Mom had an affair.” Then Cindy gasped, suddenly remembering that Rina was in the room. She felt herself go hot and cold at the same time. Sheepishly, she looked at her stepmother’s face. “Oh, my God! Did you…did he…did…”

  “It’s all right, Cindy. I knew.”

  Cindy covered her mouth. “Oh, my God! I can’t believe I said that! God, I’m such a moron!”

  “You’re riled. Would you like some coffee? Maybe tea?”

  “How about a half dozen Advils.”

  “How about one?”

  “He’s right, you know!” Cindy flopped into one of the buckskin chairs and dried her eyes. “I’ve got an incredibly big mouth. Things just…slip out!”

  Rina said nothing.

  Cindy looked at Rina. “So he told you?”

  Rina nodded.

  “He must feel real close to you.”

  Rina stifled a smile. “Guess so.”

  “It’s not as idiotic as it sounds. Dad never ever talked about it. And it didn’t come up in any of the divorce proceedings. Even during their worst arguments, Dad never brought it up or threw it in Mom’s face. There were times I actually wondered if he even knew. But then I figured how could he not know. Mom wasn’t exactly subtle…all those hang-ups every time I picked up the phone.”

  Rina nodded.

  “It wasn’t all Mom’s fault, you know. He was never home. Even when he was home, he wasn’t home. He was a decent father. Did the right things. Showed up at all the school events and conferences. But there was this distance. He was dreadfully unhappy. So was Mom. They had to get married, you know. Because of me.”

  “They both love you very much.”

  “I know that. They dragged it out as long as they could. Though I never asked them to do that. They’re so different. You know how they met?”

  Rina nodded. “Your dad arrested your mother.”

  “Some stupid antiwar rally. The pregnancy meant Mom had to drop out of college. At twenty, she was stuck at home with a whining baby and no help at all, while all her friends were out partying. I don’t know why she didn’t get an abortion.”

  The room was quiet.

  “Actually, I do know why. Dad wouldn’t have let her. Anyway, I know she was very resentful. To this day, she still talks about her lost youth.”

  “Your mom and Alan have made a nice life for themselves. I think you’re feeling worse about it than either of your parents.”

  “I suppose.” She sighed. “Dad seems happy now…happier.”

  Rina smiled. “Yes, your father isn’t exactly a jolly fellow.”

  Cindy smiled.

  “You comported yourself very well,” Rina said.

  “Yeah, felons should be a snap in comparison.” She paused. “You heard us then? We were screaming that loud?”

  “It’s a small house.”

  “God, I have a headache.”

  “I’ll get you the Advil.”

  “Thanks.”

  Rina left, came back a few moments later. “Did you tell your mother yet?”

  “No. Believe it or not, Dad’s the lesser of the two evils. Mom will not only go hysterical—just like Dad—but she’ll start blaming Dad. I hate it when she does that. Those two are incredible. They really hate each other.”

  “I’m sure they don’t.”

  “Oh, I’m sure they do.”

  Rina said, “What made you decide to join the Academy?”

  “Oh, my goodness, someone really wants to hear my side of the equation.”

  Rina nodded encouragement.

  Cindy cleared her throat. “I thought I wanted to study criminal behavior. I found that what I really wanted to do was solve crimes. Analyzing the deviant mind is useful, but it’s too academic. It doesn’t make neighborhoods safer places to live. It doesn’t give victims a sense of justice. It doesn’t do anything to enhance the quality of life. Criminal Sciences is about publishing papers, not about community service. And that’s what I want to do. Use the knowledge I’ve learned and apply it. To help people. Pretty corny. But as I speak, it is the truth.”

  “I think that’s wonderful.”

  “In theory, yes. Unfortunately, Dad has a point. I am impulsive, I am emotional, and I don’t take orders well.”

  She leaned forward.

  “But I’m also very adaptable. Had to be to get along with my parents. I can learn, Rina. Because I really want to do this. I’ll make it. I’d like his help and blessing. But if not, I’ll make it anyway. If he can’t deal with it, too bad.”

  She sat back.

  “I love my father, but there are times he is just impossible. So domineering! So bossy! How do you deal with him?”

  “He’s a good man.”

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t. I just said he was a control freak. You know, I’m not excusing Mom. But my dad is just…such an imposing man. I guess she felt just so…swallowed up. I don’t know how you put up with him.”

  Rina shrugged. “I’m not much of a fighter.”

  “I wish I were like that. I just refuse to be stepped on.”

  “I didn’t say I get stepped on.”

  Cindy blushed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…God, I’ve got a big mouth. I guess I’m more like Mom than I’d like to believe.”

  “I do express myself, Cindy. I’ll stick up for what’s important. Which I’ve learned isn’t too much. This baby boomer generation on down…all of us…we’ve become so…confrontive. Stand up for yourself! Speak your mind! Tell it like it is! All this righteous anger…I find it very loud.”

  “Better that than being walked on.”

  “No one wants to be a shmatta…a dishrag. But sometimes it’s a good idea to keep your mouth shut. Think if it’s worth the effort. And yes, I freely admit to being occasionally two-faced. There have been times when I had agreed with your dad to do things his way, then turned around and did it the way I wanted. Most of the time, h
e forgot what he had been so insistent on. And the couple of times he was cogent enough to call me on it, I played dumb. I’m sure some psychologist would call me sneaky or tell me I have low self-esteem. Or tell me I was paralyzed by my domineering mother and an unapproachable father or something or other. I call it being practical. Because in the end, I get what I want and he saves face.”

  “I don’t think Gloria Steinem would approve of your methods.”

  “Oh, forget about Gloria Steinem! She never nursed a husband through cancer, only to watch him die. She never labored in childbirth. She was never a widow with two small children. She’s never been married to a police lieutenant. She never had a hysterectomy at thirty. And she’s not an Orthodox Jew. So she has no concept of shalom bais—peace in the house. Which, in my humble opinion, is to her detriment!”

  Cindy looked at her. “You’re tough.”

  “Tough enough to handle your dad.” Rina sat down next to Cindy. “And so are you.” She gave her a kiss on the cheek. “You’ll work this out. You’ll be okay.”

  “If I ever learn to keep my mouth shut.”

  “Cindy, youth is impulsive, thank God. Like you said, it was the reason you were conceived. It’s what made me run off and get married at seventeen, then go have a baby a year later, then have yet another before my first son was out of diapers. It’s what made me enter into a heartbreaking relationship after my husband died, knowing it was doomed from the start. And it’s what made me ignore raised eyebrows in my community when I started dating your father. Within days of meeting him, I was head over heels in love. Impulsive yes. But it worked out.”

  Cindy said. “Yes, I am impulsive. But this wasn’t an impulsive decision. It’s really what I want.”

  “How could you know?” Decker retorted. “You haven’t the slightest notion what it is to be a cop.”

  Both women turned around as if he had intruded in their conversation. Fine with him! Let Rina handle it! Tempted to escape and go burn the Porsche out at 120. Instead, he sat back down on the couch, rubbed his temples.

  “How about this? We talk this over calmly. I tell you what being a cop is all about. You ask me questions. If you’re still gung-ho…after I get done with you…then you can go ahead and join.”